Sunday, 9 August 2015

Pain... will be gone forever...

08:04

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I am standing at the door of the elevator. I can hear it coming to the upper ground floor. I swallow all the saliva that has been collected in my mouth.

A young girl comes out from no where (no where cause I did not see her coming) and stands beside me. Sweat beads are shining like diamonds on my forehead. I fetch my handkerchief out from my pocket and wipe them. I look at her. She is an ordinary girl with not-so-distinct features. She smiles at me. I ,too, smile back at her.

“Isn’t it taking a long time?” She questions me.

“Hmmm… Yeah!” I reply.

“I should better take the stairs. Care to join me?”

“I… I…” I stammer.

“It’s alright! I shall go on my own. Bye. Take care.” She says and disappears.

There is no sign of the elevator. I am sweating.

“I should better come after some time.” I say to myself and leave.

***

I have found myself standing in front of the elevator, yet again. This time, it’s working and has 2 persons on board already. They are staring at me. I feel uncomfortable with their gaze. I wipe my face with handkerchief. I put my step forward to get in to the elevator but stop.

“Are you coming with us?” The old man asks.

“Ummm… Is Dr. Patil’s Clinic in this building?” I ask. I do not know what is happening to me. I do not know why I am interrogating about Dr. Patil’s Clinic when I know very well that it is located in the adjacent building.

“Son, it’s not here. It’s in the adjacent building.” He answers.

“Okay Uncle! Thanks a lot! Please bless me!” I blurt out.

I am surprised. And so is the old man and the other fellow.

“What is wrong with me? Why am I making a fool out of myself?” I wonder.

“Sure son! May God bless you and fulfill all your wishes.” He says and places his hand over my head. I feel divine. He smiles and leaves. I am, for the third time, standing at the door of the elevator.

***

“This time, I am surely going to do it!” I am determined.

I press the button with shivering hands and feet. I am sweating. My heart has started beating loud and fast. I feel as if it’s going to explode. I have started feeling scared. Numerous questions are running in my mind.

“Should I be doing this?”

“Is it going to be painful?”

“How will my parents react to this?”

Yes! I am having second thoughts. But then, I think about my life, my miserable life, my failure at my exams. I think of all those gloomy moments. I think of those embarrassing moments. I think of today, the result day. I can remember the expressions on the faces of all students when teacher declared that I had failed for the fourth time. These thoughts make me feel bad. They make me feel like a loser.

I haven’t been able to accomplish a single dream that my parents saw. I feel useless. I feel helpless. And that’s the reason why I am taking this step. Yes! I am committing suicide. I want this pain to be gone as early as possible.

I make up my mind and step in to the elevator. My heart beats fast as the elevator approaches the topmost floor.

“I can do it!” I say as I get out of the elevator.

Step by step, I walk towards the small wall of the terrace. It’s height is about 4 feet.
“Should I climb this?” I ask myself.

I peep from over the wall. The sight is scary. I am feeling giddy. I completely give up on jumping. I need to quickly think of some other option.

An idea lights up in my mind. I quickly run towards other end of the terrace and come running. I lift myself up and throw my body down. I am flying. I can feel the air kiss my cheeks. I can feel the pain which is lessening with each passing second. I am approaching the ground. A last portion of pain and it will be gone forever.


“God bless me!” I utter and close my eyes.

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